So after the first two weeks home from having a baby, now you’re really left home alone. You are doing all of the feedings, changing a, play times, and consoling yourself. I will admit the first day was scary. If I was fully recovered and not in pain, it wouldn’t of been so scary. All I kept thinking was I’m going to be upstairs in the bathroom with my squirt bottle and she’s going to wake up screaming for one of the many reasons newborns get upset. How can I get to her fast enough? Fortunately when you’re left with those decisions, your mommy mode kicks in and you’re fine. You don’t even think about slowly getting off the couch. You hop off that glorious seat cushion, make a bottle so fast, and are already putting a bib around her now red neck from all that newborn screaming fun she just did. You just get it done. Then finally after feeding, burping, laughing at her as she rolls her eyes at you, she slowly falls asleep. Don’t get up yet. She will know and the screams will be worse! Let her fall into a deeper sleep before you slowly slide her into her fisher price rocker ninja style and get to cleaning. There’s always laundry and bottles that need to be cleaned! Nap when she naps? That’s funny. My house would look like a dumpster. Now you’re husband will come home from work where he had the pleasure to talk to adults all day and will be tired. All you want to do is slide her over to him and eat a hot meal but she needs to be fed again. This endless cycle is comical. Comical because no matter how tired or frustrated I get, I wanted this. I wanted all of this for the longest time. I fought hard for it and that’s what gets me through the tough times. When she holds onto my shirt so tight when she’s napping, it melts my heart. She knows I’m her mom. I hope she knows each and every day how much I fought for her. She’s worth all of the heartache to get here.
The nitty gritty.
So for about 3-4 weeks before my due date, I had braxton hicks and then preterm labor. For weeks!!! At one point I had to stay on bed rest at home because I would have constant contractions during the day and pains. On September 7th, I went back into labor and deliver (at this point, my least favorite place) and they sent me home yet again! I was 4 cm dilated stretched they said and about 80%effaced. I was having contractions on the monitor and then they finally subsided some so off I went. Back home. I was up most of the night with more contractions and pains in my lower back. As my husband was putting his shoes on for work I had a little bit of blood when I went to the bathroom and I just felt different. I told him and he decided to work from home that morning while I called the doctor. Of course they suggested I go back to my favorite place – labor and delivery! We got there around 11am or so and I was a full 4cm and still 80% effected. The midwife saw my contractions on the monitor and suggested to do something that is called membrane sweeping. I agreed after reading some horror stories online but it wasn’t that bad. It just felt like a longer more uncomfortable cervical check. Then I was told to walk the halls in my fancy gown and socks. So that is what we did. I was checked maybe 2 hours later and was 5cm dilated and they decided to admit me. FINALLY!!! It’s a go, baby time is all I thought.
We got moved into the nice big room where I was going to deliver. I remember looking at the little heater above the clear bassinet that my baby would be examined in. I wasn’t nervous, I just had no idea what to think. I told my husband to go home (we lived about 25 minutes away) and walk the dogs, do some work from home so his clients knew we were a little busy, and get our pillows. Everything else like the car seat and our bags were already in the car. My midwife came in and examined me again and still 5cm and now my contractions were dying off. She told me she would like to break my water but I told her to wait until my husband came back. I am glad I told my mom and family they were breaking my water when I did because after she did that, game over. I went into full blown contractions and just kept dilating. I finally said it’s time for the epidural and that experience wasn’t bad. We waited too long in my opinion because only half of my left leg was numb from it and it didn’t really do anything until after the birth. I felt it all. The last time she examined me I was about 9-9.5cm dilated and she told me it’s time to push. What???? I thought you only pushed on 10cm. After an hour and fifteen minutes of pushing, my husband was told by our midwife to come around and help pull out our baby girl. What? My husband who passes out over simple blood draws was the best birthing coach ever! I don’t think I could of done it without him. When he placed her on top of my chest and she cried, it felt like my whole world was complete. I forgot about the last few years of struggling to conceive her. I forgot about all of the tears I shed over people having babies and my many negative pregnancy tests. I forgot how painful that birth truly was. I forgot it all because of that cute little 8 pound chunker they placed on me and they way she grasped my finger with her hand. She knew I was her mom. She just wanted me and to snuggle. Everything was worth that moment. This was the nice happy story. The one they all talk about. How you forget the pain from giving birth once you hear your baby cry. I want to talk about the recovery.
I gave birth to my daughter vaginally. You usually hear about tears or the doctor having to cut you “down there” but that’s basically it. You hear a little bit about how scary it is going number one or two after giving birth. What you don’t hear about is the details. How you should definitely take stool softeners for a week or more before your due date. Especially if you have been on a medication like Zofran your whole pregnancy that is known to cause constipation. You can’t imagine the two days (that’s how long it took for all of it to come out after 6 days of a ton of pressure and agony) of my “first” after birth poop. Peeing, no big deal. Poop? I would like to call it the scariest shit of my life. I won’t go into details because they are frightening. You can message me if you would like to hear. Sometimes you hear about being sent home with a squeeze bottle that you have to use after you pee. They don’t tell you they want you to use that for weeks. You are only supposed to use the water bottle and not wipe with toilet paper. No baths or soaps. You feel like a sewer rat. I have never felt so gross honestly. Everyone and their mother wants to come visit you and the new baby you just shot out of your lady bits that are now torn up and you are sitting there in your huge pad just soaking the day away. It’s the worst. You don’t get warned that you can hardly get off the couch without launching yourself off and hoping you didn’t pop a stitch. You know what is even more fun? Taking a nice hot shower while your husband is watching the baby and you know you’re on a time crunch because she is going to get hungry soon. You feel great after the shower, step out, put your towel on, and bam! You are bleeding again before you even dried off and now need a second shower. I am sure I am forgetting some other things because pregnancy brain is now mommy brain! I blame mommy brain if this post doesn’t make sense! Anyways, off to wash more bottles before she wakes up. Maybe I will even use the loo and those awesome squirt bottles after.
Here is my sweet baby girl Isabella Mae.