Trying to Conceive Baby #2

Okay so I still have horrible ptsd from my pregnancy and delivery. I literally can’t even think about stepping into the hospital or back at my old OBGYN. So I started to make steps into trying to help myself cope with it and deal with making it a better memory.

Today I met with my new OB and let me tell you how pleased I am. They also specialize in infertility treatment. As much as I loved my reproductive doctor to conceive Isabella, this doctor is ten minutes from my house instead of about forty five minutes and they would have everything in one file. They actually brought my big file in and we had a nice laugh together. It felt like I was talking to my friend to be honest.

So let’s get to it! We have a consult for the end of January to discuss our next step. They would rather us go right into IUI instead of trying with timed intercourse and cookie. They think it’s a waste of time so they suggest us coming in and discussing a game plan. So I made the appointment. They also want a new semen analysis from my husband. They rather us start trying sooner then later with IUI’s because we aren’t getting any younger and both are in our thirties. The older you are, the higher your chances to conceive a child with health issues or become a high risk pregnancy. Which, I already am due to hypothyroidism, fibromyalgia, and a history of miscarriage.

So here is the controversial subject I’m going to get into. I tore pretty bad when delivering and experience numbness and pain still a year and a half later. I had such a horrible postnatal experience it’s truly hard to talk about. I got choked up just discussing it with the doctor. She could tell and quickly stepped in and discussed my options. So our plan is to go in to this (hopefully) next pregnancy not thinking the end game is a c-section. It’s an option and if I absolutely mentally can’t handle it throughout the nine months, then I can have that option. I almost cried because for once I had someone on my team. She was advocating for me and my mental state. I explained how hard it was and how my milk also didn’t come in and how my depression began. She never once judged me and instead made me feel comfortable and gave me options. I can’t wait to start this new journey with such an amazing doctor.

On to Isabella- she’s 15 months old today!!!!! I can’t believe it. She’s amazing and so smart. She’s now giving us kisses and hugs and it makes my heart melt. She’s so caring and loves animals just like her mama. She is FINALLY drinking half cows milk with her Kabrita goats milk formula. Slow and steady wins the race, haha. She isn’t walking anymore, it’s more of a run! If she could be outside all day, she would be. I can’t wait to give her a sibling one day.

-utterlyfighting ❤

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Kabrita- Goats Milk Formula

Okay so it’s no secret how much I love Kabrita goats milk formula and Isabella shares the same feelings. I have her her on this formula since about 4 months old and I have seen her tummy issues disappear along with her eczema. She is a happy 13 month old baby who is in the 96 percentile for everything. We just had her 1 year check up yesterday. The doctor is happy we are using this formula as well. The dreaded 1 year mark where every parent struggles and scrambles to throw out every bottle and pour the formula down the drain. Not this mom. Yes we use cups with spouts and straws for her water or a little bit of juice, but bottles are here to stay a little longer.

She’s down to three bottles a day and a forth if it’s been a long day and she doesn’t want to eat much. I make sure she gets those extra nutrients in with Kabrita formula. We tried cows milk and she had diarrhea and she hated it. She’s okay with it in her cereal at times and some yogurts. In general, she’s got a sensitive tummy and I’m here to advocate for my daughter. So I decided I’m not forcing her to give up her precious goat milk. It’s here to stay. At least until she is two years old.

I’m writing this in her nursery as she’s sleeping. Yesterday she had her check up and today she’s a big fuss bucket. So I had to give extra snuggles tonight. Just making sure she is really sleeping before I slink out into my room for some much needed slumber.

If you’re interested in Kabrita and would like to try it, they have a special offer on their website now and it comes with coupons too. I’ve become a Kabrita affiliate and if you have any questions just message me. I’m sure I can answer it or find the answer for you!

Click here to try Kabrita!

Don’t forget, we are all parents trying to do what’s best for our little ones. Don’t feel pressure to do something just because you feel society or other moms will judge. My mom joked at the zoo yesterday and said “that lady said look at that big baby with a bottle”, meaning my Isabella. Now mind you as I am mixing her formula, I’m already in defense mode because I’m waiting for someone to ask me why I’m not breast feeding. It’s still a sensitive subject for me. Both my sister and I jumped and joked about who cares to each other. Now no one said anything. That’s how my family is. We poke fun at one another. It was the point that society makes us feel this shame if we aren’t doing what “they” think we should be doing. I wave my beautiful goat around and cheer with you all on your own journey in parenthood.

-utterlyfighting

The year of ME! 

Oh how one year has changed me!
With Isabella turning 1 in just under two weeks, I have become very clingy in my opinion. I am staying up later and watching her play, grow, and laugh. I am loving all of the extra snuggles she wants to give as well. She’s already walking out of no where, saying words like mama, mommy, dada, baba, and now putting words together. Her favorite thing to say to us is “what’s this”. Her little voice is amazing. If you ask her if she is a monster, she growls and makes monster noises. I couldn’t imagine my life without this baby girl. 
I have been planning Isabella’s birthday for a while now and the theme is Mermaids and Unicorns. I asked my guests to pick a side and come wearing something that signifies either mermaids or unicorns. I can’t want to decorate the house and have my family and friends celebrate her birthday. 


The more I think about my life, our life, our family, I feel like it is time for a change. I recently have been offered a career change and I took it. I am getting out of the animal field and into the legal field. I love the hours and how close it is to my house. I am able to spend more time with Isabella in the morning now and be home to cook dinner every single night. I will also have every single weekend free. I am nervous about the change but also very excited. 
I am also looking to work more on getting into shape. This is the year for me. I need to be fit before I think about baby number two. Even though I think about having another one almost daily, I know how hard it was on my body. I need to think about that first because it isn’t just me. 

With being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia this year, it hit me hard. It’s not like it was a surprise or anything. I knew it for some reason, but it still made me really upset. With already having diseases or disorders that cause me pain, weight gain, and to be tired all the time, I really didn’t want another thing against me. Now I just have to fight harder. I have to fight harder for us. My instagram will not only be my ttc (trying to conceive) page, but my workout and life page. I am going to open myself even more and share so much more. I hope that all of you that have stayed with me and have followed me from the start continue to do so. I also am not allowed to donate my eggs until my BMI is lower. It’s the one thing that is stopping me when I fill out the clinics forms. So I need to lower it to get on a list and hopefully matched. 

I think once I hit 1,000 followers on instagram (@utterlyinfertile), I am going to do a little give away. I have been tossing around some ideas and just need to make a decision on what it will be. So please share my Instagram/blog so I can reach my goal.

 Hope you all continue to follow and share your stories with me as well. I promise to update my blog even more! 

-utterlyfighting

The struggle is real!

Being a mom is a struggle. Being a working mom is just as hard. I find it hard at times to balance my life now. I try my best stay focused and alert (haha) when I am beyond tired from a rough night with Isabella, then working a shift, and coming home to a teething needy baby. She has been teething since about 4 months old and there are equal good and bad days with it. Stupid teeth! She is now turning 6 months in a few days and has two teeth on the bottom that are through and two on the top are coming in slowly. I feel like all I do is collect her toys, wash them, stick them in the freezer, give them to her so she stops feeling pain for a bit, and repeat. She was almost 17 pounds at her 4 month old check up. I can’t wait to see how much she weighs in a few days. 
I am still dealing with chronic back pain since I had her. I felt lost because my primary said my obgyn should be handling it and my obgyn said to contact my primary. Finally my obgyn saw my and said they can’t do anything and referred me to a pain management doctor. I saw them and had x-rays of my back and spine. He said everything looked okay but he was worried. He didn’t like that I have numbness in my legs and right arm as well. He sent me to another office for an MRI and I am waiting on the results of that. He said I probably have to do some physical therapy as well. I can’t sleep at night because of the pain and my kid sleeps through the night! That’s not fair!! He’s not sure if the pain is from the epidural, labor, or the pregnancy itself. I really hope I don’t have nerve damage. I also have diastatis recti. I can fit 3 fingers between my muscles. Towards the end of the day from baby lifting and work, my stomach feels bulged out and painful. I am trying my best to not do strenuous things, but it’s hard. My doctor said he can’t surgically fix it until I’m done having babies because it would just re-open. So once my MRI comes back clear (hopefully) then I will start my physical therapy and also yoga and physio exercises. 
On another note, I rather not wait long to try for baby number 2. I told my husband this and he is not completely on board…yet. I just know how long it took us last time and then we had to do intrauterine inseminations. He’s fine with the whole “not trying, but not preventing” thing. I am fine with that as well for now but I would like to start back on medications by her 1 year birthday. I also was interested in donating my eggs, so not sure if I should do that now or after my next pregnancy. I just don’t know if I am able to donate or which hospital will take mine because I am a spinal muscular atrophy carrier. So I might not be able to and that will crush me. I wanted to become a surrogate but my pregnancy was so hard and I was so sick the whole time, it would be too hard to do that right now. If no one can take my egg donation then I will look more into gestational surrogacy. As sick as I was when pregnant, I loved every minute of it. 
Some exciting news is about to happen. I think I’m finally going to open my etsy account. I’ve had it set up for months now, but haven’t had enough courage or time I guess?! I have hand painted ceramic eggs, painted wooden mermaids, and pineapples! The shop will be named after the little one we had lost in November of 2015. 


-utterlyfighting ❤

YONO – the world’s first ear ovulation predictor!!

So luckily I am teamed up with the amazing YONOlabs and am testing the worlds first in ear ovulation predictor. If you check out their website https://www.yonolabs.com/ there is a ton of information listed on how to use it, what it does exactly, how to order one, and why it’s the best way to track your basal temperature. YONO measures your core body temperate instead of skin which can be affected by the temperature around you. By using this device, which I may say fits so nicely in my ear, I am able to track my basal temperature daily and better predict my ovulation. For someone who has pcos , this is amazing. My cycles are always random so I am never sure when I am ovulating. When I did my first IUI in 2015 my cycle and ovulation was different from my second IUI. I am hoping by using this, I can avoid the medications and treatments we used last time to conceive. I’m not saying or denying we might have to resort to them again, but a woman’s body is amazing. You never know what it can do. 

Night 1 which was cycle day 2 turned out well. I placed it in my left ear because I usually sleep on my right side. I am very picky about things touching my ears and usually don’t like ear buds to listen to music, so I was nervous. YONO made this little ear bud with comfort in mind. I didn’t even realize it was in my ear after a while!!! I fell asleep around 11pm and officially (I’m a light sleeper) woke up at 6:25am! I took the ear bud out, opened my app, placed my ear bud in the base station. It did its little magic once I hit connect on the app and downloaded my basal temperature which was 97.35F. This was so darn easy!! I will keep everyone updated throughout this month. I am also going to be using ovulation test strips (wondfo) on cd10 for 10 days. 

I really hope that by me sharing my experience I can help others ttc as well. I hated taking my temperature daily and stopped because I just couldn’t do it anymore. But YONO seems very promising and super easy to use!!! Wish me luck! 

-utterlyfighting ❤

Two months postpartum and baby products we love!!! 

Let’s talk postpartum depression! I am now taking Celexa to help with the depression and anxiety and it’s definitely helping. I knew something was wrong when the crying didn’t stop and me wanting to leave my husband and baby didn’t stop. There were times where I was so overwhelmed I left. I never left her alone, always with him. I felt trapped and like I wasn’t being a good mother. No matter how hard I tried, I just felt like a failure. I felt not good enough even though the baby was perfectly fine. I kept thinking I could do something better. When I had my six week postpartum check up I broke down to my doctor. She told me some of the things I was going through was the depression and anxiety and some of it was normal after birth stuff. She suggested I start Celexa and it really has helped. If I forget a day or two, I can tell the difference and so can my husband. I am glad that my husband saw the signs of PPD and instead of cornering me, he talked to me like a regular person. I have great family and friends that have also supported me through this. I was never quiet about my infertility and I won’t be quiet about postpartum depression and anxiety. These things that woman go through shouldn’t be so taboo or frowned upon. We should be able to get support quickly and not whispered about. 
Now I face going back to work in the next three weeks. I am dreading it. It’s not that I hate my job, I hate being away from my baby. My baby that I fought so hard to have. Yes she will be with my mom while I am at work but it’s not the same. She should be with me, her mom. Thinking about going back has thrown my anxiety back into overdrive. It’s all I can think about and have been having trouble sleeping because of it. If I didn’t have these stupid student loans, I would be able to stay home with my baby. I would be able to enjoy every morning cuddling her while she twirls the top of her hair. I would be able to clean her bottles all day and change every diaper. I would be the one pushing her in her stroller down the block in the nice weather. Instead I get to miss all of that. I won’t be there to comfort her when her belly hurts from the acid reflux she suffers with. I am the one who knows what she needs by the different cries. Now I get to work all day and come home tired, make dinner, and try to enjoy an hour or so with her. I never envisioned this. It is literally tearing me up inside. 

On to happy things! My baby girl is two months old now! She is cooing, smiling, holding her head up, following our voices, and is the perfect snuggle bunny. I wanted to post about the items I have been using and really like. 
Feeding- we started with Dr Browns bottles using the preemie and number one slow flow nipples. Now we use tommee tippees more with the size zero nipple. She is on Enfamil Gentlease for her acid reflux/colic. I also use the small formula containers from tommee tippee and that is where I put my pre measured dry formula to take with me when I go out. I also make them each morning and night to have them quickly if she is fussy and I need to make the bottle quicker. I learned that having bottles set up for the day with water measured in them is a little easier. We have her used to room temperature water so we can easily travel with her and not have to worry about heating it up. I measure out the water in about 6-8 bottles every night and use the tommee tippee tops to keep them covered. I keep them on the counter for the day. I am also using a battery operated mixer instead of shaking the bottle to mix the formula. This is the mixer- https://www.amazon.com/Prince-Lionheart-Versa-Formula-Espresso/dp/B00MZ8LP3G/ref=dp_ob_title_baby  
Toys- We have the Infantino Grow with me turtle play mat. She loves it. I really love it because I love turtles but she has come around to loving laying down on it for play time. I also lay her down on it while I clean her nursery or fold clothes. 

I can’t say enough about rock n plays. We have a simple pink one that she loves. When she first came home from the hospital she slept on her back in the Halo bassinet. Now with her acid reflux, the incline helps her and she sleeps in it instead. It is our saving grace. I lay a fuzzy blanket in it for her to lay on because the material gets a little cold so the blanket keeps her cozy. She loves having aden and anais blankets over her and she grabs them and shakes them all around. We only use them when she is awake. She hates being swaddled but likes to play with the blankets. She also had a security blanket from them she likes. I just bought a Fisher price sit me up frog and she loves it. It has a slight lean so sitting up is easier to learn. She loves to play with the toys that are attached to it as well. https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-BFB07-Sit-Me-Up-Floor-Seat/dp/B00F2MQ5SC/ref=sr_1_1?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1479246322&sr=1-1&keywords=sit%2Bme%2Bup%2Bfloor%2Bseat%2Bfisher%2Bprice&th=1

Clothing- I love sleepers with footies. I find that although zippers are easier, buttons don’t expose all of baby and she stays warm. I have the regular cotton ones and the fleece ones for colder nights. 
I love the Jessica Simpson clothes. There is just something about them and love the fox prints!!! 

Burts bees makes really cute sleepers, outfits, and hats. The one hat we have is so stinking cute. 

Bathing- I use Aveeno shampoo for eczema. She has a small case of it and the oatmeal base really helps. I also use the kit with the oatmeal baths when it’s bad and let her soak in it. I also use Aveeno lotion for eczema and she loves it. It’s a little thicker than the regular lotions. I like to use it on her face too when she has pimple outbreaks or a dry face/forehead. 
The only pacifier she will use is the soothies. I am glad they come in a few different colors. I have them all over the house and in my diaper bag now. We use the Dr Browns wipes to clean them or a bottle nipple if dropped or dirty when we are out. 
I have the bff jujubee diaper bag and I use sugar snap files to organize the inside. I love them!!! I can just pull them out as I need them and I am not searching all around for this or that. https://www.amazon.com/sugarSNAP-Files-Diaper-Organizer-Inserts/dp/B007VBRHU2/ref=lp_9516372011_1_1_a_it?srs=9516372011&ie=UTF8&qid=1479247189&sr=8-1&th=1
Right now we like pampers over huggies. She seemed more red when I used the huggies and hardly any leaking with pampers. I use huggies and pampers wipes. Huggies wipes are a little thicker which I like. I like butt paste for when she seems a little red and irritated. Oh and this bad boy is the best!!!! I have longer nails so I hate butt cream under them!!! This applicator is soft and she actually likes it. https://www.amazon.com/BabyBum-Diaper-Cream-Brush-Green/dp/B00LYQ53KG?th=1
So we ventured to the mall last weekend and oh did I shop!!! I even bought some new boots. Luckily I had my baby jogger city select stroller. I had my big diaper bag and about 5 bags plus boots in a box in the under carriage!!!! Holy crap can that thing hold a lot. I use the adapter and have the Chicco keyfit 30 carseat. I like it but it’s quite bulky in our little car and now my husband can’t sit in the passenger seat while I drive. His legs are too long and the seat is up too much, 
I think that is all for now. I added some links to some items but if you have any questions just let me know. 


-Utterlyfighting ❤  

Baby girl is 1 month old & I am getting crafty!

So I decided to do a photo shoot with a ton of flowers and mini pumpkins for her 1 month old pictures. The night before she was 1 month old , my husband and I had her out majority of the day and completely forgot to stop at the market for flowers. So the next morning I woke up, fed her a bottle, and ran out the door for some flowers! I cleared off my kitchen table (it’s become a collector of all random shit since I gave birth) and got to cutting. I cut the flowers stems a little below the bud. I left the foliage as is until I began building the number 1 and then trimmed them as needed. I grabbed my big neutral colored quilt and threw it on the floor in the living room because it had the most natural light. I then grabbed all of the foliage and flowers and got to work. I will say I have a background in floriculture, but this wasn’t hard to do. You just have to know where to cut the flowers that are more delicate because you could ruin it and loose all of the petals. I laid out my stencil using the foliage then added the biggest flowers first. After I saw where I liked the bigger flowers, I added the smaller ones in as a filler. Then I just placed some mini pumpkins in there and called it a day. I slid Isabella out of her rock n play and slowly dressed her into her outfit. I wanted her as she woke up because she is just so sweet at that moment. I made a collage of the steps as I went.

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I have been thinking for a few years now about opening my own Etsy shop and doing some crafting. I enjoy making things but I wanted to focus them on infertility awareness. My end hope is to some how help others with the cost of infertility. So I have to start somewhere. I was thinking about making braided pacifier clips and homemade muslin swaddle blankets. I already have my pineapple stamp ready! I really hope you all like what I begin to create. Once I get all of my materials I ordered, I will make a post and open my account. What do you all think?  Here is a quick picture of the pacifier clip I made today for our pumpkin patch visit this weekend.

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On another note, let’s talk baby. Being home with her these last few weeks have been amazing. I love every second of it. Right now we are dealing with reflux issues. When I was in the hospital, I was able to nurse her and was only producing colostrum. We were discharged on a saturday and had our first pediatrician appointment that monday morning. We found out she lost a whole pound since birth. I knew something was off on sunday when I just felt like my breasts weren’t full. I tried almost everything in my opinion and my milk just never came in. I have read that polycystic ovarian syndrome plays a role in this. Gotta love another blow. Forever, all I wanted was to have a child. It took years. Then I find out I can’t even feed my own child. This child I fought so hard for I was now starving. I immediately began to give her formula. She began to have issues swallowing it and we had to switch to Dr. Browns bottles with the slowest flow nipple. We were using Enfamil newborn for a few days and then mixed each bottle with both the newborn formula and the gentlease they make as well. She has the bottle down now and prefers the Tommee Tippee bottles instead. For the past week I have noticed she arches her back at times, grabs at her stomach, has issues pooping, and yesterday was spitting up which she has never done. So now after being diagnosed with reflux we are starting off slow and just switching her formula from the mixture to just the gentlease. If that doesn’t help in a few days then we discuss again with the doctor on switching to a different brand of formula or hypoallergenic and if we are going to add medications. Fingers crossed this formula switch is it!!!

Have a great day!

P.S. Doesn’t Isabella resemble Ace Ventura? That hair!!!!!

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-utterlyinfertile  ❤

Mama’s got a brand new schedule! 

So after the first two weeks home from having a baby, now you’re really left home alone. You are doing all of the feedings, changing a, play times, and consoling yourself. I will admit the first day was scary. If I was fully recovered and not in pain, it wouldn’t of been so scary. All I kept thinking was I’m going to be upstairs in the bathroom with my squirt bottle and she’s going to wake up screaming for one of the many reasons newborns get upset. How can I get to her fast enough? Fortunately when you’re left with those decisions, your mommy mode kicks in and you’re fine. You don’t even think about slowly getting off the couch. You hop off that glorious seat cushion, make a bottle so fast, and are already putting a bib around her now red neck from all that newborn screaming fun she just did. You just get it done. Then finally after feeding, burping, laughing at her as she rolls her eyes at you, she slowly falls asleep. Don’t get up yet. She will know and the screams will be worse! Let her fall into a deeper sleep before you slowly slide her into her fisher price rocker ninja style and get to cleaning. There’s always laundry and bottles that need to be cleaned! Nap when she naps? That’s funny. My house would look like a dumpster. Now you’re husband will come home from work where he had the pleasure to talk to adults all day and will be tired. All you want to do is slide her over to him and eat a hot meal but she needs to be fed again. This endless cycle is comical. Comical because no matter how tired or frustrated I get, I wanted this. I wanted all of this for the longest time. I fought hard for it and that’s what gets me through the tough times. When she holds onto my shirt so tight when she’s napping, it melts my heart. She knows I’m her mom. I hope she knows each and every day how much I fought for her. She’s worth all of the heartache to get here. 

The nitty gritty.

So for about 3-4 weeks before my due date, I had braxton hicks and then preterm labor. For weeks!!! At one point I had to stay on bed rest at home because I would have constant contractions during the day and pains. On September 7th, I went back into labor and deliver (at this point, my least favorite place) and they sent me home yet again! I was 4 cm dilated stretched they said and about 80%effaced. I was having contractions on the monitor and then they finally subsided some so off I went. Back home. I was up most of the night with more contractions and pains in my lower back. As my husband was putting his shoes on for work I had a little bit of blood when I went to the bathroom and I just felt different. I told him and he decided to work from home that morning while I called the doctor. Of course they suggested I go back to my favorite place – labor and delivery! We got there around 11am or so and I was a full 4cm and still 80% effected. The midwife saw my contractions on the monitor and suggested to do something that is called membrane sweeping. I agreed after reading some horror stories online but it wasn’t that bad. It just felt like a longer more uncomfortable cervical check. Then I was told to walk the halls in my fancy gown and socks. So that is what we did. I was checked maybe 2 hours later and was 5cm dilated and they decided to admit me. FINALLY!!! It’s a go, baby time is all I thought.

We got moved into the nice big room where I was going to deliver. I remember looking at the little heater above the clear bassinet that my baby would be examined in. I wasn’t nervous, I just had no idea what to think. I told my husband to go home (we lived about 25 minutes away) and walk the dogs, do some work from home so his clients knew we were a little busy, and get our pillows. Everything else like the car seat and our bags were already in the car. My midwife came in and examined me again and still 5cm and now my contractions were dying off. She told me she would like to break my water but I told her to wait until my husband came back. I am glad I told my mom and family they were breaking my water when I did because after she did that, game over. I went into full blown contractions and just kept dilating. I finally said it’s time for the epidural and that experience wasn’t bad. We waited too long in my opinion because only half of my left leg was numb from it and it didn’t really do anything until after the birth. I felt it all. The last time she examined me I was about 9-9.5cm dilated and she told me it’s time to push. What???? I thought you only pushed on 10cm. After an hour and fifteen minutes of pushing, my husband was told by our midwife to come around and help pull out our baby girl. What? My husband who passes out over simple blood draws was the best birthing coach ever! I don’t think I could of done it without him. When he placed her on top of my chest and she cried, it felt like my whole world was complete. I forgot about the last few years of struggling to conceive her. I forgot about all of the tears I shed over people having babies and my many negative pregnancy tests. I forgot how painful that birth truly was. I forgot it all because of that cute little 8 pound chunker they placed on me and they way she grasped my finger with her hand. She knew I was her mom. She just wanted me and to snuggle. Everything was worth that moment. This was the nice happy story. The one they all talk about. How you forget the pain from giving birth once you hear your baby cry. I want to talk about the recovery.

I gave birth to my daughter vaginally. You usually hear about tears or the doctor having to cut you “down there” but that’s basically it. You hear a little bit about how scary it is going number one or two after giving birth. What you don’t hear about is the details. How you should definitely take stool softeners for a week or more before your due date. Especially if you have been on a medication like Zofran your whole pregnancy that is known to cause constipation. You can’t imagine the two days (that’s how long it took for all of it to come out after 6 days of a ton of pressure and agony) of my “first” after birth poop. Peeing, no big deal. Poop? I would like to call it the scariest shit of my life. I won’t go into details because they are frightening. You can message me if you would like to hear. Sometimes you hear about being sent home with a squeeze bottle that you have to use after you pee. They don’t tell you they want you to use that for weeks. You are only supposed to use the water bottle and not wipe with toilet paper. No baths or soaps. You feel like a sewer rat. I have never felt so gross honestly. Everyone and their mother wants to come visit you and the new baby you just shot out of your lady bits that are now torn up and you are sitting there in your huge pad just soaking the day away. It’s the worst. You don’t get warned that you can hardly get off the couch without launching yourself off and hoping you didn’t pop a stitch. You know what is even more fun? Taking a nice hot shower while your husband is watching the baby and you know you’re on a time crunch because she is going to get hungry soon. You feel great after the shower, step out, put your towel on, and bam! You are bleeding again before you even dried off and now need a second shower. I am sure I am forgetting some other things because pregnancy brain is now mommy brain! I blame mommy brain if this post doesn’t make sense! Anyways, off to wash more bottles before she wakes up. Maybe I will even use the loo and those awesome squirt bottles after.

Here is my sweet baby girl Isabella Mae.

37 weeks pregnant and chugging along! 

Today marks 37 weeks pregnant!!!!! I can’t believe that I made it to my goal week. It hasn’t been easy but it’s been so worth it. This little girl has been nothing but surprises this whole time and I’m sure they aren’t stopping anytime soon. I’ve been in preterm labor now for about 3 weeks. I’m 2-3 cm dilated, cervix is thinned out, and lost majority of my mucus plug. 

I had my last ultrasound with the high risk doctor last week and he said she’s measuring right under 7lbs. If I go full term, she’s going to be huge. I’m back to not being able to eat much, vomiting, migraines, and dizziness. I think I had about a month or so break with hardly any hyperemesis gravidarum symptoms. 

I have majority of her things purchased and her hospital bag is packed. My husband packed his bag 3 weeks ago when I started visiting labor and delivery! HAHAHA. I put stuff aside for myself and just purchased a weekender bag for the hospital. It was on sale at target (not sure how I made it back to my car, my legs were numb) and I figured I could use it over and over. Her bassinet is set up and we are just playing the waiting game. I’m completely fine with going to the due date. I would love to have her in as long as possible so she’s completely cooked but darn this pain is horrible. I’ve been in and out of work, more out then in at the moment. The contractions are more of an annoyance but when they shoot into my back and down my legs, no Bueno! Sometimes I feel like I have the girl from the movie The Ring digging inside of me. Being pregnant is completely odd yet beautiful all at once. When I completely finish her nursery I will have to post a picture. For now you get my bump and my terrorist of a cat.