The struggle is real!

Being a mom is a struggle. Being a working mom is just as hard. I find it hard at times to balance my life now. I try my best stay focused and alert (haha) when I am beyond tired from a rough night with Isabella, then working a shift, and coming home to a teething needy baby. She has been teething since about 4 months old and there are equal good and bad days with it. Stupid teeth! She is now turning 6 months in a few days and has two teeth on the bottom that are through and two on the top are coming in slowly. I feel like all I do is collect her toys, wash them, stick them in the freezer, give them to her so she stops feeling pain for a bit, and repeat. She was almost 17 pounds at her 4 month old check up. I can’t wait to see how much she weighs in a few days. 
I am still dealing with chronic back pain since I had her. I felt lost because my primary said my obgyn should be handling it and my obgyn said to contact my primary. Finally my obgyn saw my and said they can’t do anything and referred me to a pain management doctor. I saw them and had x-rays of my back and spine. He said everything looked okay but he was worried. He didn’t like that I have numbness in my legs and right arm as well. He sent me to another office for an MRI and I am waiting on the results of that. He said I probably have to do some physical therapy as well. I can’t sleep at night because of the pain and my kid sleeps through the night! That’s not fair!! He’s not sure if the pain is from the epidural, labor, or the pregnancy itself. I really hope I don’t have nerve damage. I also have diastatis recti. I can fit 3 fingers between my muscles. Towards the end of the day from baby lifting and work, my stomach feels bulged out and painful. I am trying my best to not do strenuous things, but it’s hard. My doctor said he can’t surgically fix it until I’m done having babies because it would just re-open. So once my MRI comes back clear (hopefully) then I will start my physical therapy and also yoga and physio exercises. 
On another note, I rather not wait long to try for baby number 2. I told my husband this and he is not completely on board…yet. I just know how long it took us last time and then we had to do intrauterine inseminations. He’s fine with the whole “not trying, but not preventing” thing. I am fine with that as well for now but I would like to start back on medications by her 1 year birthday. I also was interested in donating my eggs, so not sure if I should do that now or after my next pregnancy. I just don’t know if I am able to donate or which hospital will take mine because I am a spinal muscular atrophy carrier. So I might not be able to and that will crush me. I wanted to become a surrogate but my pregnancy was so hard and I was so sick the whole time, it would be too hard to do that right now. If no one can take my egg donation then I will look more into gestational surrogacy. As sick as I was when pregnant, I loved every minute of it. 
Some exciting news is about to happen. I think I’m finally going to open my etsy account. I’ve had it set up for months now, but haven’t had enough courage or time I guess?! I have hand painted ceramic eggs, painted wooden mermaids, and pineapples! The shop will be named after the little one we had lost in November of 2015. 


-utterlyfighting ❤